If you’ve spent any time in the church, you’ve probably heard Proverbs 31 taught as the picture of what a godly woman should aspire to become. More often than not, that’s how I’ve encountered this passage. And every time I’ve read it through that lens, I’ve walked away with the same feeling: I’m not enough.

No inspiration, just inadequacy.

Maybe I’m falling short of all the things she does. Or maybe I’m doing many of the same things, yet I’m not seeing the same results she seems to enjoy, the prosperity and flourishing that appear to touch every corner of her life. Either way, I walk away feeling as though I’ve somehow missed the mark, as if I’m falling short of the woman I’m supposed to be.

She just feels impossibly perfect, and frankly, she is. Ask her husband, her kids, or the elders at the gate.

Whenever I come across a passage that leaves me unsettled, I’ve learned not to dismiss that feeling. Instead, I lean into it and ask what the Lord might be teaching me.

Especially for my generation, Proverbs 31 has often been taught as a checklist: women should become her, and men should find her. While there are certainly things we can learn from her example, I don’t believe that’s Solomon’s primary purpose in writing this chapter.

When we read Proverbs 31 apart from the rest of Proverbs, it’s easy to make the chapter primarily about womanhood and marriage. But when we read it in light of the whole book and ultimately the whole story of Scripture, we discover that this passage isn’t meant to burden, but to bless.

Here are three reasons I don’t believe the Proverbs 31 woman is ultimately about you.

The Standard

So let’s lean into the tension: what level of excellence does the woman reach?

If we simply observe what she does, we find a woman who seems almost impossible to measure up to. She is not described as excellent in one area of life, but in nearly every area.

She is a successful businesswoman. She makes wise investments, trades beyond her local community, and produces a profit from the work of her hands.

• She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar (v.14).
• She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard (v.16).
• She perceives that her merchandise is profitable (v.18).
• She makes linen garments and sells them (v.24).

She is a tireless provider. She cares not only for her household but also for those around her who are in need. Her work seems to have no off-switch.

• She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household (v.15).
• She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy (v.20).
• Her lamp does not go out at night (v.18).

She is skilled and productive. She creates beautiful and useful things with her own hands for her family and for others.

• She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands (v.13).
• She puts her hands to the distaff (v.19).
• She makes bed coverings and linen garments (vv.22, 24).

Her outward beauty is only outshined by her inward beauty. Though she is clothed in fine linen and purple, her true adornment is strength, dignity, wisdom, and kindness.

• Strength and dignity are her clothing (v.25).
• She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (v.26).

Everyone loves her. She is deeply valued and respected. Her husband trusts her, her children bless her, and her community honors her.

• The heart of her husband trusts in her (v.11).
• Her children rise up and call her blessed (v.28).

When we read the passage this way, this woman does everything and more. As Jim Davis, a pastor in Orlando, Florida, humorously points out, “it almost makes you wonder what in the world was left for the husband to do.” He simply gets to enjoy the fruit of her labor.

If we stop here, at best we leave women inspired to chase an impossible standard or to curate a picture-perfect version of themselves for others to admire. And we leave men searching for a woman who simply isn’t human. At worst, we have turned a passage meant to reveal the beauty of wisdom into a burden for women to carry and a promise to men that life can be perfect if you find the perfect wife.

But is that really what Solomon intended when he closed his book with this woman? No, we have to think about the context.

The Context

All throughout our study this summer in Proverbs, we have discussed the importance of remembering that Proverbs belongs within the whole story of Scripture.

Solomon began this book as a letter to his son, persuading him to recognize the difference between wisdom and folly. Throughout Proverbs, he personified these two paths. Folly is portrayed as seductive and deceptive, while wisdom is portrayed as trustworthy, beautiful, and worthy of pursuit.

So when Solomon ends his letter with the portrait of the Proverbs 31 woman, he is bringing his son back to the same choice he has presented throughout the entire book: will you unite yourself to wisdom?

Though folly may be alluring, wisdom is attractive. And when you marry yourself to Lady Wisdom, you will reap the blessings of walking with her.

When we read chapter 31 in the context of the entire book we see that it is the conclusion of everything Solomon has been teaching from the very beginning:

“To know wisdom and instruction,
to understand words of insight,
to receive instruction in wise dealing,
in righteousness, justice, and equity…” (Proverbs 1:2–3)

The Proverbs 31 woman is not the finish line of female achievement. She is the final portrait of Lady Wisdom.

The Hope

The beauty of Proverbs 31 is that it does not leave us staring at an impossible woman or simply a metaphor. It invites us to look for fulfillment in the full story of Scripture.

The wisdom Solomon celebrates is not you or me, but it is someone. We read in 1 Corinthians 1:30, “Because of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption.”

Christ is God’s wisdom incarnate.

So when we read in Proverbs 31 that everything wisdom touches turns to profit, that wisdom does her husband good and not harm all the days of her life, that wisdom works diligently and never grows weary, we find hope because this is Christ.

When we unite ourselves to Christ, we are uniting ourselves to the true Wisdom that Proverbs has been pointing toward all along. We reap the benefits of what Christ has perfectly accomplished on our behalf.

This is the hope of Proverbs 31: not that you can become perfectly wise, but that Christ is perfectly wise. Not that you must strive to become the woman who has it all together or find that woman, but that you can belong to the Savior who does.

So lean into the story Solomon tells his son. Long to know and understand the wisdom of God, because that wisdom has a name: Jesus Christ.

Jim Davis, in his article “Where to Find the Real Proverbs 31 Woman” at The Gospel Coalition, makes more beautiful connections here.

“Who else works for you around the clock, even as you sleep (Rom. 8:34)? Who else offers you something more valuable than jewels (John 14:6)? Who else denies himself that you may be blessed (Phil. 2:7)? Who else takes on burdens so you may be praised (1 Pet. 2:24)? Who else perfectly fears the Lord in a praiseworthy way (Matt. 3:17)? Who else brings us all these blessings, just from being in a relationship with him (John 3:16)? Who took the shame of God’s wrath on the cross so we might be praised by God at the eternal gates (2 Cor. 5:21)? Only Jesus!”